life continues


blog2160
mom & dad on her birthday 3.8.2015

blog post 5.1.2015.

my father died april 1, 2015.  one month today.   my niece is getting married today.

the last six months of his life – my mother’s life,  my life, my siblings lives – were full of uncertainty:  will he begin to bleed and be rushed to the emergency department? will he need platelet transfusions or blood transfusions or both? days that turned into weeks and into months of a life fiercely holding on, and always the uncertainty.

my mother’s life, always organized around his care, his breakfast, lunch, dinner  are now endless, slowly moving hours, minutes, seconds.

i asked her yesterday what she misses most.  “shopping with him.  he drove me wherever i wanted to go.  even wanted to drive me to buy a carton of milk.  i told him i wanted to walk! but now wish he could still drive me.”

she’s cleaned out his shoes and his jackets.  when i suggested it may be too soon, she replied “he’s not coming back, why keep them?”

her life continues.  she’s turned the soil in the garden, raked the yard of old leaves, pruned the grape vine.  chores she always did by herself, as it had been many years since he was able to it with with her.  keeping busy.  keeping her routine.

yesterday, she said “she misses him, but is happy he was well taken care of and had his family with him throughout his illness.  every day someone was there”.   the last month of his life, he refused the hospital food.  she would go home, make him soup, hot dogs(!),  pasta (his favorite) and bring it back.

days before he died, she was there, his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, sisters, brothers and all his in-laws.  he was never alone and we were all there until his very last breath.  this makes her happy.

my niece is getting married today.  my father adored her and when she moved to australia, was sad, but supported her spirit of adventure.  there she met brendan, and her happiness is evident on her face, especially when she looks at him.  today is the first family “festa” (celebration) since my father died and for me, it is full of mixed emotions.  it will be strange to not have him there.  life continues.  we will celebrate.  as my father would have insisted (demanded).

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Comments

  1. Antoinette iemma says:

    Domenica, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. You and your family are in my prayers.
    Love, Antoinette

  2. Vassa Shevel says:

    Dearest Domenica,
    I’m so sorry for your loss! I remember your parents so well! It must have been so hard this whole time, and now your mama is left without her other half!
    Much love to all,
    Vassa

    • Vassa – thank you and my mom said the other day she saw you in callicoon! hope you are doing well. we are adapting to this new life. I am living with mom and keeping her busy:)

  3. Frank Mohalley says:

    Domenica – thank GOD that you are so resilient. To help at all hours, and to be with him at the end, is a tribute to your love for him. I pray that your mother keeps busy, as always, to take her mind off her loss, even for a little while. We know he is in a better place, with the Lord, looking down on all his loved ones. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS. Love from Barbara & Frank

  4. Cathleen says:

    I am so sorry to hear that your father died but remember you are the one who is sad because you miss him but he is in a better place with no pain. My father died April 6, 1991 and I got married May 11, 1991 a month later and it was the saddest feeling yet we did it because that is what my father would have insisted (demanded). xoxo Cathleen

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